Dare
Every morning is the same, my heart pounds,
My hands shake as I get dressed.
Every bone in my body screams at me for moving,
Begging, pleading for me to crawl into bed.
With each step, I slow my heart, steady my hands
Leaving nothing to betray the nausea in my stomach
Or the terror crashing around inside my head.
I pack up my books, knowing each teacher will look
Sadly upon me as yet again I produce no work.
I am pushed out the door, and I walk to the bus stop.
As I endure the long ride, I dare to hope.
Maybe I won't see them, maybe they're all dead
.
Maybe they've had a change of heart and like me now
Or will at least leave me alone.
Maybe today I won't be struck or tripped,
Maybe for a single day I won't see their faces.
But I walk the halls to my classes, knowing it was a foolish dream.
I see him at the end of the hall, and I dare again to hope.
Maybe he won't see me, or he's too busy.
But as I get closer, I see him smile to his eager friends,
And I know today is just like any other.
I eat my lunch, not tasting, not looking, not listening,
I know what they're saying.
I feel each burst of laughter cut into me,
As they thrust the sharpest blade again and again.
I know there is no hope, as today is just like yesterday,
And tomorrow will be the same.
And as I endure the long hours, still I dare to hope,
Maybe the teacher won't look away this time.
Maybe they will leave me alone.
I imagine standing up to them,
Saying the right words, walking the right way.
I dream that I'm larger, stronger, tougher.
I imagine that I don't have to race out of class.
But I hear them talking behind me,
and I know it was a fantasy.
My witty comebacks never come, my
Responses come 10 minutes too late.
I look down, not seeing the paper,
I sense their malicious plot...
The bell rings, I race out the door,
only to endure what I knew would come.
Finally, the last bell rings, and I race home,
From the frying pan to the flames.
And here the blade is thrust deeper,
and I cannot pretend to be strong.
I watch the clock as the second hand crawls,
mocking me.
And finally, at the end of the day, I may go to my room.
Finally I am alone, and I am relieved.
I check my bruises and crawl into bed,
And dare to hope that tomorrow will be different.
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